


Because you deserve it

by nekoclair



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Oneshot, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:43:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4439792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nekoclair/pseuds/nekoclair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do you know what it's to fear your own strength? Do you know what it's to live with the fear of hurting people impulsively? Shizuo know, and these fears have become more than unbearable.<br/>He finally seek for their desired solution.<br/>"And all because of him, as always."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because you deserve it

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, people. This is the translation of a fanfic I've written some time ago (it's been idk 2~3 years that I've posted the portuguese version somewhere else). Well, I hope you guys like it, and that you won't give up on the middle just because it's kinda big.  
> See you!

The strong afternoon sun had just started to lay on the horizon, hidding behind the high and grayish buildings of Shinjuko and giving place to the darkness of a night that, without a doubt, would be cold. Apathetic, I watched the leftover colors in the sky that, until just now, was painted in light blue. Meanwhile, I dragged one more time from the cigarette I had between my fingers.

Without a delay, the smoke left by between my lips, forming a whitish mist around me. Then, I threw the cigarette on the floor, crushing it with the back of my shoes, and took of the sunglasses from the face, since there was no more need for them in the dim light of the night.

After placing the glasses in the shirt’s pocket, I arranged the blond strands of my hair with my fingers, but that just made them messier.

A tired sigh succeded, it having fled unwittingly. Simultaneously, I allowed my fingers to abandon the light strands of hair. My arms hanged and rested beside my body.

I wasn’t tired, and there was no reason to be. Today, like every year, I got the day off. Tom, because of past experiences, knew more than well how violent and unstopable I got in this fateful day. He knew that I wouldn’t be useful like he wanted me to be – the dead didn’t pay debts, after all.

Thats why I usually stayed at home, locked, to guarantee other’s safety. Not even Celty was allowed to visit me anymore, because of an occurence from two years ago, when I raised my hand against one of my most precious friends. Of course, I never though I was gonna kill her or anything, because I knew it wasn’t that simple. What made me keep her awar was, simply, the fear of something similar happening again and the shame I felt because of my attitude.

Not being able to refrain my own anger scared me. However, this year I went outside and decided to put everyone around me in danger. Why? Because I decided to put an end to everything. Things couldn’t continue being like this.

And, as always, it was all because of _him_.

Why should I just accept this? Why did I have to seclude myself, every year, all because of that bastard?

With a heavy sigh, I threw my body away from the wall I had being leanning all day. Somehow, I felt mentally tired and my head felt heavy. I had spent the afternoon simply waitting the time go by, smoking cigarette after cigarette, just waiting at the park in front of the culprid’s apartment.

I lifted my gaze, noticing that some stars were already shinning beside the moon.

“Tch. Damn day, damn Izaya…” A quite whisper fled from my lips.

To think that things have not being always this way...

Yes! After all, there was a time when I was completely indifferent to this date that, in the past, wasn’t different from any other day of the calendar. But, because of me getting acquainted with a certain detestable brunette, in my high school days, I began to hate it as much as I hated the man who was born on this day.

It was not like I disliked Izaya; I only deeply hated him. Since our first encounter I was more than sure that our relationship couldn’t be that of friends. He was different from everyone I had met until then: he wasn’t afraid to look me on the eyes, neither was he afraid of my strenght; actually, he seemed to find it amusing, often getting me into trouble so that I had to use my destructive power. Also, of course, he always had that despicable and proud smile hanging on his face, which was his trademark.

He was the type of person who enjoyed whatching things going into an uncontrollable chaos, preferably whatching evertything from the best seat and laughting about others misfortune. It were things like that that made him such a detestable person. And it was also because of things like that that I hated him so much.

And what especially had me hating this date so much was it being the firt one to recognize the existence of someone so detestable. I didn’t dislike May fourth, but fact that it was Izaya’s birthday, the person who I until now haven’t been able to destroy.

But today everything would change.

I was finally going to put an end to my torments.

I was gonna finish Orihara Izaya off.

Now, the light from the street lamps, from the apartments and from the celestial objects were the only ones around. Mostly everything had already been consumed by darkness. It was time for me to take action.

Leaving the park, I walked in the direction of the high building where I knew Izaya not only worked, but also lived. However, I didn’t go to the constructions itself, but to an alleyway that was just beside it, and where I had discovered, days before, that the emergency stairs could be found.

I knew what to do, step by step, after all this wasn’t a last minute decision. I wasn’t just giving in to thoughtless impulses. I was really determinad to get rid of him. I had a plan and, luckily, there wasn’t gonna be any problems. I knew the brunette and, even if only a little, I could understand him. Now I just had to enter inside his apartment.

I was going to broke into his apartment and finish everything with only one hit in his head.

When I finally got into the dark alleyway, I made sure nobody was watching and jumped so that I could get a hold of the stairs. With a strong grip of the iron bars, I climbed the spiral staircase that pierced darkness. Which fast but careful steps, it didn’t take long until I was in the informant’s floor, and even less for me to get to his door.

I watched the wood superfice, feeling empty. My feelings, emotions and thoughts were all gone; however, my intentions remained the same.

I wouldn’t go back; not when I was so close.

Putting my hand on my trousers’s pockets, I took the clips and steel I had brought with me. Supporting myself on one knee, I carefully put the sticks into the keyhole. I sighed heavily when I felt my hands trembling a little.

_Okay… It’s not like I never did this. I trained for a reason, so calm down._

I sighed a second time and closed my eyes, letting my hand relax a little. Again, I stared at the keyhole, now more composed.

While I concentrated in the task of breaking in the faster I could, the elevators wouldn’t leave me alone, going from floor to floor unstopable. Sometimes I could even hear the voices of people talking, and it was especially in those moments that I realized that I couldn’t take much longer or else I would be found. Because of that, everytime I caught a voice, my hands moved faster and faster, causing some clips to broke during the process – nothing that wasn’t already expected. Still, I couldn’t help feeling angrier and angrier everytime a clip broked and at every second wasted.

My anxiety to finally break into the apartment and destroy that damned flea wouldn’t stop to get bigger.

I would dirt my hands which his blood and give in to my violent side that I so much hated one last time, all this for him. I really didn’t care about the consequences, if my purpouse were to be accomplished. If it would end all my problems, I couldn’t care less about being tainted. So, when I have no more to share this world with Izaya, I certainly will become a calmer person. After all, ninith nine percent of my anger were dedicated for him alone.

_Without the flea around, I will be a better person._

Spinning the tools on my hands, trying and trying again, it took a considerable amount of time until I opened it. It was right after a ‘click’ that my hands finally stopped moving. I stood up, my golden eyes fixed in the doorknob all the time. I couldn’t help staring at the door, which was now unlocked.

After cleaning my hands on my pants, my fingers enclosed the knob. Even if my grip was stronger than necessary, I turned it slowly, being cautious with whatever was waiting for me inside.

The light from the hallway gradually flowed into the dark room. Everything was oddly quite.

Without waiting another second, I opened the door and, soon after, closed it again, making sure to not make unnecessary noise. Still near the door, I started inspecting the room with my eyes. Even if I wasn’t so sure about every little detail from the room, the essecial was easilly seen.

Despite the absence of a lot of color, because of the darkness that reigned in the place, I could distinguish, without a problem, the furniture arranged in the wide apartmente. Therefore, it didn’t take long until I remmembered more or less where everything was settled; or, at least, the things I could see from my position.

The office room where the brunette worked was really big, and it even had a little and discreet kitchen. However, there wasn’t a lot of furniture; there was only a desk, computers, two or three chairs, crowded bookshelfs and a big couch, which was probably black. The place had this cozy simplicity that, at my eyes, didn’t suit the owner.

It was just too normal to belong to him.

I looked around one more time, my eyes now more used to the dim light. I sighed, heavily. Despite everything, the thing I was looking for still remained missing. Or, at least, that was what it seemed. Leading again my hands to my hair, I continued seaching for it, still standing next to the door.

It’s not like I was afraid to go forward or anything, I was just being cautious, after all I was in the enemy’s territory and I couldn’t not recognize how dangerous the informant was. My hair was already more than messy, and it would only get worse if my hands didn’t calm down; not that I really cared, though.

With a heavy sigh, I took my hands away from the golden strands. Maybe the brunette wasn’t home after all. The lights being turned off and the deafening silence were clearly signals of that.

I was already turning around and getting out of that place that wouldn’t stop giving me a bad feeling when my body stoped moving by itself and my mind went blank. A harshly familiar smell was then noticed – and recognized. I sniffed strongly, making more of that annoyingly addicttive odor get inside my lungs.

_Without a doubt it’s that flea’s smell…_

I didn’t understand how such a stink went unnoticed until now; really didn’t. I would normally notice it even when he was on the other side of Ikebukuro, but, this time, I failed somehow, even though it was so much stronger because of the proximity.

_And he’s really, really close._

I begun to rub my nose, which had never been so bothered. The smell was strong and persistent, and it tained my clothes, hair and skin in an undesired way.

_I will probably have to burn my clothes after this… I doubt soap will be enough to get rid of this stink._

“Tch” Taken by considerable displesure, I struck my hands on my pockets, giving up the fight against the characteristic smell of the informant.

Well, at least now I was more than sure that he was at home and that I wouldn’t have to cancel my plans. It was now a matter of looking for him, and find him before the opposite occurred.

But where should I start? Where could he have hidden himself?

Tired of wasting time, I took a step toward the center of the room, and then another and another. Soon, I had traveled every corner of his apartment. Still, I couldn’t find him or even get a hint of his current location.

Positioning myself next to the window, I caressed the icy keyboard that rested on the desk. My eyes settled in the letters, numbers and symbols drawn on the small keys, still, my mind was empty, at least temporarily.

My eyes then rose to the darkened screen. Certainly, it was on that machine that was stored all the information and contacts that Izaya needed for his dirty work; although some of them he probably had with him, recorded on one of his cellphones, because they were just too important – Celty and Shinra’s, por example. I continued to stare at the monitor for a few more seconds, feeling thoughtful, but strangely calm; more than I thought it was possible considering my situation and current location.

_Probably there are also things about me…_

I found myself thoughtful when I got my hands away from the keyboard and shoved then back into the pockets. I walked back to the center of the room, in which the couch rested.

I don’t even want to know what the idiot thought about me... After all, it's not like he really knew anything about me. And what he knew should already be common knowledge anyway.

Putting my thoughts aside, I resumed my search. The problem then showed itself: I did not know where else to look, since I had already searched every last corner of that damn office and found nothing of that stupid flea. Where more could he had hidden?

Even so, I was sure he was there, because his smell was still strong and uncomfortable. This certain remained: Izaya was at home.

I searched again, with just my eyes, now positioned in a more strategic position: the center of the apartment. Certainly the vision that I got now was a thousand times better when compared to the one at the door.

My eyes were fixed on the wall, going through every corner. My hands remained in my pockets and my fingers moved restlessly inside the tissue. I startled, suddenly, staring at the corner near the window. A dim light escaped by under the door.

I approached the place that had gone unnoticed until then, walking with slow and anxious steps, and pressed my hand on the surface. It was cold and it’s texture was that of a door. It probably led to the informant's bedroom and the bathroom – which only now I noticed that I had completely ignored their apparent absence.

I leaned my ear against the door, both my hands resting on the cold wood. An agonizing silence surrounded me instantly, which was only interrupted by the accelerated beating of my heart. I remained in that position for a considerable amount of time until I got to hear a dry cough coming from the room.

My heart accelerated even more. My hands twitched and my fingers closed on the wood. I was anxious. I could feel my muscles contracting to the anger that was suddenly getting bigger.

_He was there._

_The flea was there._

_Izaya was there._

_Izaya. Izaya. Izaya..._

I breathed deeply. My heart was beating painfully against my chest and an unfamiliar heat had taken over my body.

_I was gonna kill him._

_Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. Kill..._

I reached the knob and turned it quickly and impulsively, with excessive force, causing an unnecessary and loud bang. The door was set wide open and eventually crashed into the wall of the room, causing even more noise.

_It’s now._

_It’s the end._

“Izaya!” His name felt bitter on my mouth. I looked around the room moderately illuminated. However, I still had not met with any pair of crimson eyes, neither with a wide and teasing smile, which were expected by me. He remained laid in bed, even after my sudden entry.

I gritted my teeth before the obvious affront, to which he simply coughed a second time. I walked into the room as he began to writhe in the bed, apparently trying to sit down. It took me two steps until something collided with my feet and made me stop, making me leave the despicable figure aside to look at the ground.

A beer can found itself thrown on the ground. Not only one, actually, but several... Unable to believe what was just before my eyes, I stayed in silence while I tried to understand what the hell was happening. I could fell my muscles relaxing and my anger lessening.

_Okay, something is wrong. It’s impossible that the flea has drunk all this alone..._

“Ah!... Shizu-chan!” He said, when he finally got himself sat on the mattress. “I knew that this voice was not strange. *Hic*” He sobbed as he arranged himself on the sheets, that were visibly soaked with something that I did not need to think hard to tell what it was: Beer, undoubtedly beer. The smell left no doubt.

At that point I wasn’t even angry anymore, just frustraded. Everything was so surreal that I couldn’t help but find it difficult to believe. Maybe it was a prank?

“Haha! Shizu-chan, can’t believe you bothered to come to celebrate with me! Aren’t you lovely? Such a mindful monster you are!” He said, cheerfully. He had a wry smile stamped on his face; which was normally pale, but now found itself kinda red because of the effect of the alcohol.

However, Izaya’s words were completely ignored by me. I was too busy trying to understand – and accept – all that my eyes showed me. I didn’t have time to give attention to foolish words of a drunken flea.

Orihara Izaya, one of the most important and feared informant around – who was also my biggest enemy – showed a deplorable and rotted side that I’d never seen before in all our years together. Or, at least, I had never seen him in such a deplorable situation.

His black hair was in an even more chaotic state than mine, and his face found itself drenched by a mixture of beer and saliva, and taken by a slight, but perceptible, blushing. His usual clothes were rumpled and also wet with that unpleasant mixture that covered his face. Meanwhile, on the ground, cans and more cans of beer still rested in random positions, as if they had been simply thrown into the air, in a carefree way.

That was too much even for him.

_What was he trying to do? Getting himself into an alcoholic coma?_

“So, Shizu-chan?” He called me, singing my name in a strangely and cheerful voice, while throwing his own body forward and leaning on his arms.

I raised my golden eyes to the figure before me, which, more than ever, was bothering me. His eyes had a different shine, a weak and obnoxious one.

“Tch. In your dreams, flea. In your dreams.” I turned away from him and looked elsewhere. “Only there would I worry about you.”

Yes, after all, I wasn’t worried. In the most, surprised, and - _I admit_ \- perhaps somewhat stunned to see him in such an unusual way. I just did not expect to find him in these conditions.

“But you are here, aren’t you?”

I got myself surprised, not with the words themselves, but with the serious tone in which they were uttered. Izaya had managed to leave me without reaction and, above all, confused. I could only look at him, we just over a meter away from each other. I had my lips parted while I draw my brows.

Everything was so unbelievable.

Though I was uncertain about the words that would leave my lips, I opened my mouth with the intention of speaking. However, I was interrupted by a loud and raucous laughter that suddenly occupied the moderately large room; which, like all the rest of the apartment, did not have a significant number of mobile. There was only a double bed, a large closet and a board with pieces of assorted games, with lay on a fairly high bank. The door to the bathroom was also there, standing in one of the walls.

Izaya continued to twitch for a considerable time, because of his own laughter. I was beginning to doubt his sanity when he finally stopped, choking on your own saliva.

_Okay, this is extremely ridiculous._

And it certainly was. Never, not even in his unreasonable days, the brunette would allow himself to be so vulnerable, especially in front of me. He didn’t even seem afraid of any possible assault from me. In fact, he didn’t even seen to suspect that something like that could ever happen.

_Did he forgot that I’ve been trying to kill him since forever? Really, all this is just too weird..._

However, the oddest thing was still my lack of action.

Hadn’t I come this far just to kill him, to get rid of my torment? Yes! Those were exactly my intentions! So what was I doing? Why was I quiet, unable to beat him as I originally intended?

_What’s wrong with me?_

The brunette coughed heavily, pulling me out from my daydreams. Again, I was looking at him. Soon, our eyes finally met, golden and crimson. All of a sudden, I found myself very confused, mostly because of the uncertainties that were growing inside me.

On his eyes, I could see that something was wrong.

“Ne, Shizu-chan…” He called me in a low, monotonous voice. “You came here to kill me, right?”

I didn’t say anything. I was suddenly so surprised that I couldn’t even form words to answer. I just continued to watch him, waiting impatient for his next words. He looked at me for a moment and then gave a restrained and quite laugh.

“Just like I thought…” He said, finally. Izaya seemed not even a little scared or intimidated; quite the opposite. He was happy, strangely happy. “So why not just get on with it?” He grinned. “Or did you think I really thought you had come here just because of my birthday?”

My mouth hanged open, but only the air left it. No word would come to my mind, which remained blank. All I could do was look away, displeased with my own lack of attitude. I leaned against the wall and pulled out a cigarette – the last, I had sworn to myself.

Izaya stared at me, silent, but with a subtle smile on his lips – one that bothered me more than any I had ever seen. It was not his usual. The one he now showed me was visibly melancholic.

_That’s not the Izaya I know._

_This patetic figure is not him._

_This eyes and this smile are not his._

Izaya laughed briefly as he closed his eyes and started talking again, with his annoying voice.

“Oh, c’mon! I was waiting for you, you know? You will ignore me? Where is your maturity, Shizuo?...”

Silence. I would not bother answering him, there was no reason to do so. Actually, I didn’t even know why I had still not gone to my own house. Why did I remain in the informant's home, if he had destroyed all my will to kill him?

The Izaya I was seeking, which tormented me, was not here. I really had no reason to stay. So why was I still in that place?

He sighed wearily when he met, again, with my silence. Meanwhile, I simply blew, carefree, the smoke toward the ceiling, I was adamant not to get myself annoyed with the drunk before me.

“Okay, Okay. Maybe I wasn’t really waiting for you. And, only maybe, I don’t even know how you got in. But it’s true that I’m happy that you came, Shizu-chan! I’m not lying!”

I stared at the person that was sitting on the bed in a clumsy way. Izaya put his hands on his hair and messed with them, making it even more sloopy. He then smiled, even more gloomily than before.

“You know, for some time now, every year, on this date, I realize this ritual.” He opened his arms, throwing one at each side. “I drink, drink and drink for hours, and then I lay down to sleep.” He seemed peaceful, which in no way matched the worrying and insane words that he was uttering. “I’ve always woken up the next morning…”

He moved his hands, his arms still open as if he was trying to express himselves better this way. The tone he used in his speech was quiet, and that, above all, angered me.

“I’ve never suffocated. Maybe not even Hell wants me…”

My eyebrows twitched into a frown. I'm not sure how it was the course of the next few seconds, but when I come around I've found myself over the brunette, pinning him down against the wet sheets. I punched him, a vein throbbing heavily on my forehead.

“Is playing with other people’s life no longer enough? Are you going to play with yours, too?”

In my voice there was anger, disbelief and disgust for what he’d just told me. He was being even more despicable, today.

Izaya looked back at me, turning his face again in my direction. His lower lip was bleeding slightly and one side of his face was now bruised because of my punch. His crimson eyes targeted mine and settled there for a considerable time. He smiled again, and that made me clench my hand in a fist and push it toward him a second time.

My fist settled down on the mattress, right beside his head. I could feel the strands of his hair touching my fingers. He looked at me, confused for a moment, but then he smiled again.

I gritted my teeth, angrier than ever with the person before me.

“What’s wrong with you? I snapped. “Izaya is not this disgusting! He would never try putting his life at risk just for fun!”

“Ah? Shizu-chan, what are you talking about? Is it about my annual ritual?” He asked, apparently confused.

“What more could this be about, idiot?”

Izaya began to laugh. I was starting to seriously question myself if he really had gotten himself lost in the path of insanity.

“Shizu-chan, you got it all wrong! But I guess I can’t blame you, after all you've never been that smart…” He uttered, in an ironic tone. His eyes had a provocative shine and were somewhat closed. “I was trying to kill myself ... Silly.” He said, suddenly bringing his fingers to my face.

His touch surprised me. His fingers were like ice against my face, which was hot because of my anger. He gently slid his fingers down my face. I could only look at him, feeling the informer’s touch against my skin. I was stuck in a strange trance.

“So, Shizu-chan, do you think you can help me?”

I blinked twice, my golden eyes locked on his crimson. He put his hands on my chest and pushed me gently, a silent request for me to let him go. Doing what was asked of me, I made room for him to sit before me. The informant sighed wearily, staring at his own feet for a moment.

“Hey, Shizuo... Would you help me if I asked?” He was staring at me, a serious expression on his face.

“What do you mean? Why would I help…”

I immediately interrupted my speech when his hands found mine. He conducted me until I had my hands involving his slim and delicate neck.

“Could you kill me, Shizu-chan? If you break my neck I surely will die, and probably in a more appropriate way. Choking on my own vomit would, after all, be disgusting. You know... I'd rather die by your hands.” He smiled.

I pulled my hands away, feeling a vein throbbing on my forehead. My lips trembled because of my growing rage and I had to held myself back from beating him; after all, there wasn’t a reason to lose my head with a drunk Izaya. But... He really managed to piss me off this time. _Truly_.

“Disgusting is you, sleazy flea.” I said, coldly. Each second it seemed more difficult to held back my will to punch him again.

“Oh, lovely, Shizu-chan! I adore you too! Now could you kill me at once? It's not like you don’t want to, so why not just get on with it? I'm even giving you this century’s opportunity!”

“Shut up.” The grit of my teeth became even stronger. I turned my face away, determined not to look at him anymore. “Not happening, if you are not with your reason in place. What’s the point of killing someone who already wishes to die?

“Haha. So you are a sadistic, Shizu-chan... You want to hear me scream, right? Do you want me to beg for my life and stuff?”

“Exactly.” I said, promptly, while tightly grasping his wrist, using excessive force.

“H-Hey... What are you doing?” He closed his eyes, in pain, my grip not gently at all.

I got up and dragged the brunette with me, not bothering to give him an answer. I left the room and plunged into the dark room. Right away, I starter looking for the switch. After the light finally turned on, I threw Izaya on the couch and walked into the kitchen.

“Err... Shizu-chan ... What are you doing?” The informer asked, somewhat apprehensive.

“Don’t you dare to get up from there, flea.” It was all I said, in an authoritative tone, without even turning around toward him.

“Ehhh... Okay then. Let's see what awaits me!” He said in an amused, but anxious, tone. I just ignored him. I didn’t know what to think, or what to do. Izaya was acting strange, but he was still himself; sometimes, his real personality showed up in his drunken self. At those moments,

I didn’t even know if I should be glad or annoyed. I sighed, heavily.

_As always, Izaya, everything is your fault._

_Everything. Everything._

In the kitchen, I opened a few cabinets until I could find a clean glass, which I filled with water and took to the informant, who stared at me confused. He picked up the glass, suspicious, and stared at it for a moment, then he looked in my direction, in a silent request for an explanation.

“Drink it. What are you waiting for?” I ordered, raising one eyebrow impatiently.

“Hum... What did you put here? Poison?”

“Who cares? Didn’t you want to die anyway?”

A dry, short laugh abandoned his lips.

“Yeah, well... I think you're right.” He looked at the glass one last time, still apprehensive, and then he turned it in one go.

“Drink it all, until the last drop. That's right, everything.” I said, stolid, while watching the fluid disappear from the glass.

When the brunette finally finished, he looked at me with a tired and bored look.

“Okay, I get it, I get it. But this is just water, right?” He asked, swinging the glass.

“Yeah, what else could it be?” I asked, seriously, while taking the glass from his hands and returning to the kitchen. “I thought I was clear when I said I wouldn’t kill you. Not today. Not until you’re really the flea.”

“Almost a love confession…” I heard he muttering behind my back, in a low and disappointed tone. I ignored Izaya's words, but a vein was again pulsing in my forehead.

When I left the kitchen I had the glass again in hand, but, this time, I also brought a water bottle to avoid wasting time. I handed the glass to the brunette and he drank it. And then another and another.

“Ahhh, Shizu-chan, no more water! I can’t stand it anymore. This way, I will need to go to the bathroom, and it’ll be all your fault.” He complained, after more than half of the two-liter bottle had already been emptied.

“Good idea…” I replied, thoughtfully, leaving him slightly confused. Nevertheless, the informant asked nothing.

I grabbed again his wrist and dragged him toward the bedroom. However, he started resisting when he saw where I was taking him.

“What is this, Shizu-chan? What do you think you are going to do now?” He had a crooked and worried smile.

“A shower.” I answered, simply.

“Eh?” 

“I’m gointo to give you a bath, what else could it be?” I turned in his direction, and looked deeply into his eyes. “You stink of beer.” I said, indifferent and in a steadfast seriousness.

“Eh?!” He started.

I pulled Izaya harder, making him stagger and lose balance. Still, it didn’t take long until we got to the bathroom. I threw him in the box and, after taking off my shirt and my tie, I also got in. He fidgeted, ordering me to let him go, but I just ignored him.

I turned on the water and soon an icy waterfall fell on both of us, but especially on Izaya. The brunette winced at the feelling of getting soaked. He turned around to face me and tried to push me away, wanting to get off.

“Shizu-chan, this's not fun at all! Let me leave, now!” He complained, the black strands of his hair and his clothes already stuck to his body. He punched my chest, but he was not that strong.

“Only when I think you’re stinking less.” I said, getting rid of his soaked shirt, which was now already somewhat transparent.

After taking it off and throwing it on the ground, I went to his pants, unbuttoning and unzipping it.

“Shi-Shizu-chan, what do you think you're doing?!”

He held my hands, preventing me from taking his pants off. Izaya was staring at me with a serious look, clearly concerned. I looked back at him, indifferent and slightly impatient. Without saying anything, I pushed him against the wall, causing him to weaken because of the impact, and finished removing his pants, leaving him with only a red boxer.

I picked up the soap and scrubbed his body and hair without any delicacy. He still complained, but at least he’d stopped resisting; apparently, he’d finally realized it was an useless act. My strenght made it impossible for him to go against me, after all.

His complains also didn’t last that long; he just shut up and said nothing more. However, I couldn’t tell if that was a blessing or not. Now, only the sound of the water crashing against the floor remained, which was kinda uncomfortable... I sighed faintly, ordering him to turn around so that I could clean his back. He promptly obeyed.

I rubbed the soap against the bones of his back, now more gently. My eyes wandered around the informant’s white skin, attentive. Was he this thin at our high school days?

“You're such a pervert, Shizu-chan…” Izaya whispered, suddenly.

“Me?” I asked, monotonous, but strangely bothered with the accusation; and more bothered than I thought it was even necessary. His words had, somehow, worsened my mood considerably. I took my hand through Izaya’s body, who shuddered as he felt the touch of my fingers on his now warm body, until I reached his lower body.

Izaya flinched to the feelling of me touching him so suddenly, even if it was over the wet cloth. I held him even stronger, getting a groan from the informant who now seemed really displeased.

“Why am I called a pervert when it’s you who is all hard?”

“A-Ahh!... Shizu-chan, let me go!”

I approached our bodies until we had skin on skin. I pressed my nose againt the curve of his delicate neck and sniffed it. I could fell Izaya trembling all over because of it.

The smell of beer had already mostly disappeared, but... But that smell so characteristic remained, and it was intoxicating me.

“You still stink, it’s not my fault.” I whispered, almost sticking my lips to his ear, and then I bitted lightly the place.

“That’s enough, Shizu-chan... I can’t take it anymore…” He said in a weak voice.

“What are you talking about? You're not that hard, just a little.”

He turned his face away, which was taken by a slight blush, making me stop the movement of my hands because of my own surprise. He had a serious and embarrassed look on his face, but I couldn’t tell if his reactions where because of the alcohol or not. I was starting to get really angry with myself, because I knew I was getting too affected by all this and still I could not stop myself.

_Shit._

When I realized what I was doing, it was already too late. I roughly pressed him against the wet wall and joined our lips in a desperate kiss, invading his mouth quite easily. There wasn’t a lot of resistance, but it took a few seconds until the kiss was reciprocated and our tongues began to dance an addictting waltz between our mouths.

When we parted, because of the lack of air, the shower water was still falling in a cascade over our bodies. Izaya breathed heavily, his face slightly flushed.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

I grabbed him and left the box,  turning off the water before leaving. I threw Izaya on his own bed and then I got rid of my pants. Soon enough, I was already above him.

I searched for his lips again, desperate. Izaya held my face, pulling me closer to him. I took my fingers through his body and reached for his nipples, with which I began to play.

I tried to understand what exactly was happening, but in every touch, in every kiss, I felt I was losing more and more of the few reason I still had. Soon I had gived in to everything that was happening, and apparently I was not the only one.

I tore the red boxer from the informant’s body, hearing him moan of relief as he felt his hard member finaly getting more space. I brought my lips to his nipples and my hand to his penis, masturbating him. Izaya then moaned weakly, feeling the touch of my tongue against his glans, and his moans only increased when we saw himself inside my mouth.

The brunette’s member was becoming more and more rigid, and so was my own, which was beginning to beg for more space. I put my own cock out of my briefs and started masturbating myself, without interrupting the oral I was giving to the informant. The room was completely taken over by obscene groans, that begged for more and more contact.

When I felt the informant cumming in my mouth, I freed him. He panted, his body laying down on the sheets wet with beer. I looked at his pleased features, a blush takking over his face. Howerer, even if Izaya was still breathing heavily, I would not let him rest just yet.

I put a finger inside him, making he tremble to the feeling of being suddenly invaded. I started to move my finger in the tight, damp space.

“Ah! Shizuo…”

The husky voice of the informant seemed to echo in my mind, making me more and more excited. I needed more, urgently. I would not bear to wait much longer. So I entered a second digit, to which he gasped, highly. I started to expand the space inside, making circular motions with my fingers.

It didn’t take long until the third digit had also been inserted, causing him a mild pain. Not that But it was not something like that that would stop me at this point.

I arranged myself better between his legs and called his name, my voice already hoarse and my cock throbbing strongly.

“Hey, Izaya... I will put it in now, okay?”

“Just do it already... Idiot…” He grumbled, covering his lips with one hand while clutching at the sheets. He threw his head back, waiting for the pain that was inevitable.

I obeyed, removing my fingers from his insides. I held his legs close to my shoulders and positioned myself in front of his entrance. After finally entering him I had to stop to listen to his complains, while he kicked me because of the pain.

I approached him and joined our lips, invading his mouth with a certain delicacy. Izaya could even consider me a monster – and, perhaps, I really was one – but I was not so insensitive as to hurt him at a time like this. Therefore, I kissed the informant – my greatest enemy, the source of all my torment and the person I had sworn to kill on this very day – carefully, wrapping my tongue around his and allowing the dance between our mouths to be, this time, more smooth.

I could see the tears accumulated under his eyes trickle down his face. _Well... It must really hurt a lot..._ When the kiss was finally interrupted, Izaya fixed his gaze on my eyes and groaned.

“Go ahead, Shizu-chan. I'm fine.”

I nodded, positively, and went back to my previous position, holding his legs on top of my shoulders. At first, I thrust slowly, but soon I started going faster.

Vulgar moans abandoned both our lips. His insides were moist and tight, and my member felt suffocated by the little space. The pleasure that controlled us was growing more and more.

Our bodies were warm and covered by sweat while they clashed against each other. I would not last much longer, I felt. The same seemed to apply to Izaya, whose situation was easily perceived.

I gasped, starting to feel a bit tired. However, the pleasure didn’t allow me to slow down. I bit my lower lip, hitting him strongly at one point and making Izaya shake all over.

“Shi-Shizu-chan... I will not last much longer, in case you want to know.” He said, breathlessly.

Understanding what the informant meant, I dropped his legs and held him by his hips. My thrusts became almost violent, but the pleasure we were feeling at that point had already taken away all sense of pain of our bodies.

After a few more thrusts the informant reached his peak, dirtying our chests with his semen. A little later it was my turn, and I didn’t think twice before cumming inside him.

I let my body fall above his, exhausted and totally powerless. I get out of the informant and lay beside him, dragging a sheet to cover and protect us from the cold night. I laid my head on top of one of the pillows that were scattered on the mattress and turned so that I could face the brunette, finding him already soundly asleep. His features were calm, serene and, above all, strange to my eyes. He almost looked like someone decent while sleeping. _Almost._

I sighed, feeling shaken by fatigue.

I didn’t know what was happening, what I felt or why I did what I did. But, for some reason, I didn’t really care, nor regreted.

_Well, whatever._

I closed my eyes, sending my thoughts away and welcoming the sleep brought on by my tiredness. I was soon asleep, and May fourth ended without me even noticing. Or, perhaps, it had already finished long ago…

 

 

 

I slowly opened my eyes, feeling the sun entering through the poorly shutted curtains of the room that did not belong to me.

Despite my initial resistance due to the fatigue, I made an effort to put myself sitted down on the edge of the bed. Beside me, Izaya was still asleep, and I didn’t really feel like waking him up just yet. I put my hands on my face, and then on my hair, making it even messier.

I sighed, looking at the informant one last time before standing up. I walked to the bathroom coupled to the room, feeling the need of a bath – after all, all the sweat and dirty from last night remained on my body.

I took a quick shower, trying not to think about anything in order to avoid unwanted thoughts or regrets that would lead to nothing. However, for some reason, I felt like none of that was really necessary. Somehow, I found myself completely indifferent to what had happened between me and Izaya a few hours ago in the same bed that the brunette could still be found lying, sleeping without a care to the world.

When I left the bathroom I was being followed by hot steam. A towel was wrapped around my waist and I used another one to dry my blond hair. Even after I left the bathroom, Izaya still hadn’t wakken up. I stared at the brunette for a little while, my mind blank, and then I turned away. I put on my clothes, fixing them the best I could, and left the room, going to the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee.

After looking through the drawers and cupboards, I gattered everything I needed and I began the prepare of the drink. I boiled water, I strained the coffee and then I put sugar in it after turning the liquid into a fairly large cup, eventually noticing that I had made more than necessary. For the sake of my conscience – after all I hated wasting – I put the rest into another cup for Izaya.

I grabbed the two cups and went back to the room, being accompanied all the way by a sweet aroma. I found Izaya sitting on the edge of the bed, thoughful, moving the pieces of his board. He’s wrapped by the sheets and was probably still naked underneath it. He had his eyes distracted, but no more melancholy as the day before; they shinned a visible confidence.

“What are you doing, flea?” I asked, approaching him in order to deliver the drink, which he accepted without saying a word.

“Ah, good morning, Shizu-chan.” He said at last, in a voice somewhat monotonous, looking away from the board only for a brief second. “I'm just actualizing my board…”

“You should take a shower before that.”

“No, this is more important.” He said, seriously, getting a little sip of the coffee.

It didn’t take long until he had his scarlet eyes exclusively attentive to the pieces from the sorted games, almost completely ignoring my presence in the room. He tried to move a white king, but was apparently uncertain on what position was better.

I opted initially to not ask anything and so I remained quiet, just watching him, sometimes sipping from the cup I had in my hands. However, seeing him so concentrated certainly made me more curious than I thought it was possible. It was the first time I’d seen him so serious.

“And what exactly are you doing?” I asked, finally.

“Oh, this?” He turned around and pointed the board. “Haha. It's just a game. _My_ game…”

Izaya smiled, making me somewhat uncomfortable. He looked better, at least... He was back to normal. He once again was my hated Orihara Izaya. However ... I sighed, sipping one more time from the cup. I no longer had the slightest desire to destroy him. Maybe it was the tiredness, the sex or maybe I just woke up in a good mood.

My plans apparently ended up being postponed. But, well, there was always next year.

Izaya snorted, clearly displeased, making me look again in his direction. Suddenly, without any warning, he threw the white king, which flew until falling on top of the filthy mattress. The informant lay his back, again, staring at the ceiling, unhappy and angry. I stared at him, initially silent, just watching him mess the short hair that covered part of his forehead with the back of his hands.

“What now?” I asked, at last, leaving the almost empty cup on the board.

“Blame yourself, Shizu-chan. After all, it’s all your fault, as always.” He replied, with an impatient and irritable tone.

A vein was soon throbbing on my forehead. _So he was going to complain about me? Such hypocrisy! Just because I thought we were doing well so far..._ However, before I had the chance to at least threaten him, he started talking again, finishing with all of my intentions.

“If you were not so unpredictable, everything would be easier…”

“Heh? And what exactly this makes me guilty of?”

The brunette laughed dryly, rising again his body from the mattress so that he could face my eyes.

“Of everything, duh.”

I looked away, feeling stressed. However, I could still feel his eyes staring at me. He had a proud smile on his lips, which was a bother, but, at least, it was his usual. I found myself suddenly asking him a pertinent question.

“Hey, flea ... Why did you want so badly to kill yourself?”

“What is it? Are you concerned about not seeing me ever again?” He implied, sarcastic. “No need for you to worry so much, Shizu-chan! I would never go away and leave you alone! I'll visit you every day in Ikebukuro if that makes you happy!”

“Don’t you dare, damn flea. Step a foot in that city and consider yourself a dead man.” I replied, angrily.

He laughed, making me grit my teeth. I sighed, in order to calm myself down at least a little, and then I drank the remaining coffee that was still in the cup dropped on the board. However, I soon began talking again.

“Izaya, seriously. I have the right to know.”

“I owe you nothing. Just because we fucked once, do you think we are a couple now, or something?”

“Who said this kind of bullshit?” I pulled him by the sheets he still used to cover himself with. When I let him go, snorting loudly, he was left bare-chested and with a smile on the face. “I will be your killer, simple like that.” I said, serious.

“Your devotion moves me, Shizu-chan.” He said, apparently amused.

He then sighed wearily, straightening the sheets that covered him. His features became more serious and he soon began to speek.

“I don’t know. I don’t know exactly why. Just ... I'm tired of living in a world that is so boring and predictable. If only everyone was like you, no doubt things would be different. The game would be funnier.”

I stared at him for a moment, looked away and then headed myself out of the room, without saying not even a word.

“You really are a worthless idiot.” I said when I had just reach the exit of the room, turning toward him for a brief moment.

“No, Shizu-chan. I'm a bored genius.” He smiled from ear to ear.

“Just go take your shower already, damn flea.”

“Accompany me?” He asked, getting up from the bed and opening the sheets, displaying his thin and naked body, wanting to incite me. “I wouldn’t care about letting you touch me a little more.” He smiled, teasily.

I stared at the informant for a moment, but soon I gave him my back.

“Maybe next year.” I said, finally, walking away.

I walked through his apartment, listening, all the way, to an outrageous laughter coming from his room. It echoed on the walls and inside my own mind, making me feel like I would never be able to escape from it.

“Shizu-chan, why isn’t there more people more like you?! A monster so unpredictable! So wonderful!” He screamed.

I clucked my tongue and continued my way, feeling both angry at the stupidity of the informer as glad he’d came back being his detestable self. I closed the door behind me, hitting her hard, and I made my way to the elevators. I would go back to Ikebukuro, work all afternoon together with Tom, trade a few words with Celty and the day would end at sunset.

Then, the days would pass, all being almost identical and equally monotonous. The months would change and Christmas would arrive, and I’d spend it together with Kasuka; and that would be one of our only moments together as brothers. And then, without me even noticing, the year will have finished and this fateful day will arrive again.

_And then, will I still want to kill him? Will I be able to find him, or again only his clone?_

_Or will I do something crazy again?_

Who knows... I think I'll have to wait until next May fourth to find out.

A sigh escapes through my lips as I walk in the empty roads of that lonely dawn, heading back to my own city.

_Damn Izaya, for making me think about the days that are still so far away..._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, Google Translator, for making my life easier.  
> Reviews are welcomed.


End file.
